HeRe wE Go AgAin!!

WARNING!!!!
If you are tired of the Jordan drama do not Proceed any further...

Things with Jordan had been going just fine.. He continued to call me or text message me every morning to chat for a bit. Lately he had even been saying the "L" word almost every time we got off the phone (which I rarely repeated back because I didn't feel it was appropriate.) He has been very busy with work and school as usual and just like I have come to expect I had slipped to the bottom of the priority list. So as long as I was fine with a daily update of the goings on in Jordan's life and expected nothing more then things were just great...
Well earlier this week I had mentioned that I wanted to go to the Festival of the Trees cuz Shelly's dad had a tree in him memory there. Jordan also expressed his desire to go and I assured him that I could go with someone else so it was no big deal but he insisted that we make a date of it. Thursday he decided that we could go to dinner at Rodizio's and then head to the Festival. I hate to admit this but I was really excited because they were two things that I'd wanted to do and I do enjoy spending time with Jordan cuz I feel so comfortable (after 15 months you should!) Well Thursday night I had a dream that things didn't work out with going so I called Jor on Friday morning to see if everything was going to work out?!? to which he replied that he wasn't sure because there was this thing that he didn't know if he would have to do or not... Well I was not about to sit around and wait for Jordan to decided if we were going or not so I quickly called him back and told him that something had come up and I would not be able to go. I only heard from him later that day and continued to pretend that something had come up.. I tried to call him later but he didn't answer so I sent him a text message and he told me he was on a date... OUCH!!! I know I am the one that originally broke the plans but that doesn't mean he had to go and get himself a date.. Well I asked him if he could break away for a few minutes to talk but he said he couldn't so I asked him if he would do me a favor... I told him that first, I wanted him to have a great time on his date and then i wrote this "second, I need you to let me go.. for good. No more phone calls, no more text messages, no more telling me you love me when I know you don't. I hurt so much from all of this I can't do it anymore and we both need to move on."
Well I didn't get a response last night and as of 11:00 p.m. I still haven't heard anything from him. I'd be lying if I said that I don't feel a little sad but relief is what I feel the most right now. I never wanted it to end in a text message but I know that every conversation I have started with Jordan like that has always ended in us still staying in contact and I know that I can't do that anymore!! A part of me will always love Jordan and the good times we shared but everyone know this is for the better... Deep down even Jordan knows this or he will figure it out some day :)

Dressing up is fun to do!!

I know that it has been a really long time since I have posted anything at all but truth be told nothing new has happened in my life.. For a quick recap- Logan is no more, Jordan still calls but I don't see him ever, I have been reading a lot more than I usually would and spending the rest of my time working out and trying to get in shape. I have to tell you there is nothing like going to the gym with my mom... For some reason she makes me laugh everytime we go- it may have something to do with the fact that I can't even begin to tell you how many times she has almost fallen off the treadmill cuz she gets it going to fast and can't keep up!!


This actually isn't Brandee's halloween costume, for her hair school they had a competition with the theme if you can dream it you can make it.. Brandee's group decided to do Safari. I have to admit that I was pretty amazed at the hair and make-up. Keep in mind Brandee did all of the make-up and the girls all did each others hair...Obviously these girls aren't any "beauty school drop-outs!!!"

Well.. It had been awhile since my dad dressed up for halloween and even longer for my mom. They were invited to a Halloween party this year so it forced them to bust out the creativity. I thought these outfits were adorable and we had so much fun painting my parents green!!!

And what Halloween blog could be complete without me and the girls?!? This is the first year in a long time that we didn't coordinate out outfit... I guess that is a sign that we are getting a little grown up for costume parties. But honestly what costumes could top last year's Wizard of Oz costumes???? Shelly's sister did have an 80's movie themed party so I went as the girl from Flash Dance and Shelly went as Annie and Jodi...well she must have been someone from Back to the Future cuz those clothes don't look anything like they did in the 80's!!!!

I do have to mention the fact that I wore this outfit to work on Halloween day not thinking about the fact that I work in the construction industry and I have to admit it called a little more attention to myself than I had anticipated :)

Sentimentos

For those of you non-portuguese speakers out there the title for this blog is "Feelings". I know I know sounds kinda cheesy but I just want to take a little bit of time and let everyone know who my life is going, what I have been up to, and how I feel about all of these things.
First of all I must tell all of you that the six month sebatical from dating was a no-go. I really tried but people just keep setting me up. It may sound like a pathetic gripe but really sometimes being set up is not the most fun thing in the world. The way I feel about being set up is that you never know if he is going to be someone that you can have fun with even if it goes nowhere and anyone who knows me knows that I am all about having fun and don't like to miss out on the good times.
Jordan, in the mean time has still been in the picture (kind of) by that I mean that he calls me every morning and sends me texts periodically throughout the day but most often I never hear from him after three of four o'clock in the afternoon cuz he goes to class and then he goes with his friends. The situation is ideal for him but you women out there know that we need so much more than a couple of convient minutes throughout the day!! Anyways last night I had a date when Jordan found out he got really mad for some reason and told me to have a nice life... Which is exactly what I intend to do!! He also told me that I will regret not dating him anymore and here is how I feel about that. For the last six months I have sat home the majority of the weekends because Jordan was out of town or had something else planned.. will I regret that?? umm no.. Also, Jordan and I argue about everything possible like the price of fuel or my PMS or what I should or shouldn't do at work etc. etc. etc.. Will I regret that I constantly am on the defense and that I can never just be right?? umm no!! Jordan has about zero patience with me. The other day I couldn't understand something he was saying so he yelled at me and when I yelled back and told him I didn't think that he was being nice he hung up on me. Only to call me back and ask me if I was ready to be nice to him yet... Will I regret being yelled at? NO will I regret that no matter what happens it is somehow my fault because Jordan is never wrong? HELL NO.. So basically the way I feel about Jordan and regretting not dating him anymore.. The only regrets I have are that I let him back into my life time and time again and that I stayed with him for as long as I did!!!
Now on to the picture of my friend Logan... As I mentioned before I have been set up a million times and honestly it is not very often that I would have the guts to request a picture before accepting to go out with someone but my sister gave my number to some girl so I didn't feel too bad asking them for a picture. Well heavens you can imagine my surprise when I get this picture knowing that this guy is 26, cute, single, owns his own business, owns his own condo, and is supposedly really nice. I would have been an idiot to say no... So I consent to go to just dinner with Logan and see if anything happens from there.. dinner happened last wednesday and things did go well so we went back to his place and played some video games which I really enjoyed. Two days later we went to dinner again and a haunted house. I usually hate haunted houses but I found myself this time just laughing and having a good time, basically the haunted house was fun because I was with Logan. Then Logan tells me that despite the fact that it hasn't been three days he would really like to go out again and even more than that he decides that he want to have me over to his place and cook me dinner!! Are you kidding me?!? So dinner goes well, we snuggle and laugh and honestly Jenga has never been so fun... The only question burning in my mind is.. If he going to all this effort why has he not kissed me? and Why does he not call me every day? I told my friends at work and they said that is a good sign but you know that it is nice to be reassured every now and again!!! So we will see what happens with Logan but I can tell you how I feel.. I feel peaceful and happy when I am with him. He has rough working man hands but yet they can be so soft and gentle and he gets nervous over certain things that I say and do and yet I think it is cute. I don't feel like I am in love or anything but I do feel like I wouldn't mind being in a situation like this with someone like this for a long time... Like forever?!? I have one more comment on my feelings... I have been so anxious and worried the last little while and haven't been sleeping well. Last night as I got home and was reading my scriptures I felt so calm and happy and peaceful. I feel like my Heavenly Father loves me and wants whats best for me. I feel him closer to me as I do the things that I know I should. I feel his spirit in my time of need and I feel safe knowing that he has and will always help me. I am not sure why I felt so peaceful last night, I hadn't really asked for anything but I feel like that is the Lord's way of letting me know that everything will be all right and to trust in Him. I feel grateful to know that gospel is true and grateful to know that he Lord really does have unconditional love for all of his children!!

Family

This is my mom and her sister janeen. They are so funny together... My mom is like a miniature of my aunt so it always looks funny to see them standing by each other. My aunt is like a second mom.. I love her to death!! This picture is of my grandma's 90th birthday party. I hope that I can look half this good at her age.. Hopefully it is genetic!!!

This picture is of cade at lagoon... I know isn't he about the cutest thing you have ever seen?!? and he has the cutest personality too. The next day after this picture was taken I was babysitting and as I was putting Cade to bed he rolled over and rubbed my face and says "Let's talk about our day..." Holy cow.. for any boys or men that are reading this, that phrase right there is the key to any girls heart!!! Needless to absolutely love this boy..

FaLL hAs ArrIveD

Holy cow can I even begin to tell you how much I love this time of year. I love that it is not too hot, not too cold, all you need is a light jacket!!! Ha ha just kidding but seriously I love the mountains covered in all the different colors and being able to drive with the top down in my convertible and letting the fall breeze blow my hair. I love seeing the pumpkins for sale on the side of the road and contemplating what I will be for Halloween this year! I thought this picture was amazing... I didn't take it but it is some place in Utah and I can't imagine how enchanting it would be to walk through this little path surrounded by these beautiful trees.

Well not that have expressed my thoughts on the season let me give a little update on life in the fast lane. Work is awesome!! My responsibilities are increasing everyday and time just flies when I am here. I love the environment and the fact that I haven't had to wear any of my dress pants for almost three months!! My boss is hilarious and I often tell him that I never know who he will be when I turn around to talk to him. Sometimes he is singing primary songs, sometimes he is doing a tap dance, lately he has been speaking in a British accent because he is going to the Led Zeppelin concert in Nov. Don't worry it is only going to cost him $4,000 dollars or so but it is their last concert ever so it will totally be worth it (yeah right!) The only drawback is that we can only listen to Zeppelin all day to get both of us ready for the concert (which I don't think is fair cuz I am not flying to London to see them and I do not LOVE Zeppelin).

Speaking of "Love" I am officially taking a six month sebatical from dating. After the last couple of years I need some time to think about my life and where I really want to be and who I want to be there with me. Jordan and I still talk, everyday, but we don't see each other and that is just fine with me. I am hoping that Jordan will find some girl who will just knock his socks off so he will leave me behind cuz it looks like until that happens he is not going anywhere. The way I look at it he is a good friend and there is no need to cause any extra drama in our lives right now.

I can not wait for conference this weekend!! I love to hear the talks and advice that we receive. I came across my notes from last conference and was thinking about all that was said and it made me even more excited for this conference. I went to the Relief Society general conference last weekend and they talked a lot about how we just need to hold strong to our values, not wavering and help our families and loved ones along the way. I am so grateful for this gospel and the blessing it is in my life. I received this really cool quote in an e-mail today that I wanted to share with you..."You were generals in the War in Heaven and one day when you are in the spirit world, you will be enthralled by those you are associated with. You will ask someone in which time period they lived and you might hear, "I was with Moses when he parted the Red Sea," or "I helped built the pyramids'" or "I fought with Captain Moroni." And as you are standing there in amazement, someone will turn to you and ask you which of the prophets' time did you live in? And when you say "Gordon B. Hinkley" a hush will fall over every hall and corridor in Heaven, and all in attendance will bow at your presence. You were held back six thousand years because you were the most talented, most obedient, most courageous, and most righteous."

Elder Boyd K. Packer

Reality is a Biotch!!

So for all of you who like to keep updated on my love life here is something interesting. Last week was probably one of the best weeks that Jordan and I have ever had since we have dated. We got along, had fun together, it seemed like everything was perfect. That is until Friday.... Jordan was heading out of town which is nothing new but that reminded me that I needed to ask him to not go out of town the first weekend in October because it is a very important week (G-ma cole is 90 and carli sue will be 24) well I should have known that Jordan would have something planned even asking 3 weeks in advance, it is the opening weekend of the rife hunt. Jordan was kind and did agree to stay home for one of the two days but I felt bad because I wanted him home all weekend so he was bugged that I was not willing to compromise. Anyways long story short when Jordan went out of town he didn't call to tell me good-bye which really hurt my feelings and then the fact that this was yet another weekend that I was not invited just pushed my little sentimentals over the top! I got really mad and told Jordan that if that was the way that things were going to be then I was done. I don't think that either of us really thought that that would be the end but as the weekend went on things didn't get any better.
Needless to say on what should have been our one year anniversary Jordan and I decided that we did our best but we just couldn't make things work. Jordan was supposed to come home and spend time with me yesterday but ended up getting in much later than expected and then I guess he just fell asleep because he was so tired.
I am sure that some of you may be thinking what am I still doing with this guy? But I honestly have to say that there is so much good in Jordan, I had seen that for the last two months and when we first started dating he was such a good guy all of the time but there are times where it is just too much effort to put in I guess or I demand too much of him. I am sad because I felt like this time was going to be the time that we were both on the same page and make things work but I guess it wasn't meant to be. Jordan says that he would still like to date me and other people and see where that leads us but we have been down that path before and I feel like we have spun in so many circles that it is time we headed in a straight line even if it is in opposite directions. I will be o.k. I have been through this before and lucky for me I know how to handle a broken heart!! Anyone who knows of any eligible bachelors feel free to send them my way!!!

SnowBird

This weekend Jordan and I went to Snowbird with a bunch of friends and we had so much fun. Once everyone got there we got in the hot tub and the sauna and then played games. For those of you who play hand and foot you know that it can be pretty confusing and Jordan and I were trying to teach 8 people which was not very easy. After that we all decided to settle down for the night... Or at least the couples decided to. All of the single guys stayed up playing Guitar Hero. Needless to say at 2:30 in the morning I woke up to the sound of Sweet Child of Mine... I love those boys.

I also have to say that I loved being in the mountains. Everyone knows that I am not the biggest outdoors person but this kind of get away is just my thing. There was a lady who was visiting Utah from Texas and she just kept commenting on how beautiful Utah is and how she had to pinch herself every morning to believe that somewhere so beautiful exists. I remember coming home from my mission and having missed the mountains so much that was when I first cried as we flew over the Rockies. I do think I take for granted what a beautiful place we live in and I was glad to be able to appreciate it a little more this weekend.
As far as things with Jordan and I, they are going better than they have in a long time. I think we both are taking things slower this time and not taking what we have for granted which is so nice. Also I don't know what it is but I have enjoyed kissing Jordan more in the last couple of weeks than I think I ever have. Maybe after a year together Jordan has decided to compromise and kiss the way I like!!! Sunday is our one year anniversary and I am not quite sure what to expect but I will for sure keep you all posted on what happens. If any of you have any ideas on something I could give Jordan as a gift I would appreciate it.
Work is still great. My boss is a nut but I enjoy his quirkiness, it is nice to have some comic relief around when the day gets monotonous.

TIm and Faith

Jordan can be such a sweetie. I really wanted to go and see Tim McGraw and Faith Hill but Jordan bought tickets with his friends (what a homo) Anyways about two days before the concert I got this e-mail from Jordan that has a picture of an arena attached and underneath it says row 4 seats 11 and 12 is where you and I will be at the Tim and Faith concert. I was so excited and we were on the floor and got some awesome pictures and when they exited they walked about 2 feet away from us. It was the best, and Jor is too.

Some Random Pictures

Princess Aidrey.. I love aidrey!! It was so much fun spending a week with them in Hawaii.

This is Jordan... Anyone who has not gotten to know Jordan should have a pretty good idea of who or what he is by looking at this picture. What a goofball, he makes me laugh (most of the time)

I could lived in Hawaii... Look at this sunrise and tell me you wouldn't want to wake up to that every day of your life. Too bad it is so expensive to live there. Maybe when I am old and rich.

Cade, Me, Jordan, Emma, and Aislinn in St. George. I love the St. George house.

I swear we are both the same race

This is Jordan and I in Hawaii. He had been there for a little longer than I had so he looks like he is from some other country. Don't worry I caught up to him at the end of the 10 days!!

The grass is not always greener on the other side!

So Jodi has already informed me that I am the worst blogger in the world and I realize this but there is not much that I can do ok?!? There has been a lot that has been going on in my life lately and this blog is not much of a priority.

Most of you know by now that Jordan and I are taking a break. Things between us had just gotten to the point that something had to be done. I think that the time apart has done us some good, I have for sure realized that the grass is NOT always greener on the other side. Here are a couple of real good examples of why I would make that comment.

The first little set back happened a few weeks ago when my sister set me up with this really cute kid from her ward. We had a great date, especially when you consider it was a blind date, there was some serious chemistry going on. Needless to say we ended up making out which was in no way part of my plans for the evening but I enjoyed it. Well I ended up never hearing back from him until I had some friends over to my sisters a couple of weeks later and he ended up being with some of the guys. Just my luck I know!! It ended up not being too awkward but still it bugs that he would have never called me back again.

Fast forward to last week, I had two dates and knowing my chances of having one of them turn out as well as my first date were slim to none I wasn't really looking forward to them. My first date on wednesday ended up ordering a beer at dinner and I was way more into his friend than I was him. The next date took me to Taco Bell for dinner and not just like the restaurant but we stopped at a gas station and he let me choose between Taco Bell and Subway :) I still chuckle when I think about it.

One more item to discuss... So Ryan my ex from like 2 years ago sent me a really random text the other day saying that he had dreamt that we got married to which I responded that I was single. We decided that we were going to hang out and catch up. I just didn't have a very good feeling about it so when he tried to get ahold of me I avoided his texts and calls (real mature I know.) Well later that night I did text message him to apologize and he still wanted to hang out but things just didn't work out. A little while later my neighbor came over and told me there were some guys lurking our around my car. When I went to see if they had done anything I realized they had stolen some little part off of my car. The police were called and I was pissed. Come to find out Ryan had been pissed off too so he thought it would be funny to take the parts off my car with full intentions of returning them. Well, Ryan and I never hung out and I don't think we will for a while.

So through the midst of all of these events I have been thinking a lot about Jordan and where we stand and our relationship. He was the first person I called when I found out someone had vandalized my car and he even went and ordered new parts for my car the next day. He is the person that I first think of when something funny, scary, exciting, interesting, or anything at all happens. We may not be perfect but we fit, better than I have ever fit with anyone in my life as a matter of fact. I don't know that I am 100% ready to jump back in to things but I think I will not be venturing to the other side of the fence nearly as much in the next little while!!

A comeca

E ai... Acho que vou escrever em portugues e ingles para todos meus amigos. Minha amiga Jodi me ajudou comecar essa pagina e estou animada para deixar todos meus amigos saber sobre os acontecimentos na minha vida!!! Nao fiz nada muito esse fim de semana mas comprei novo sapatao que eu adoro!!! Comecei um novo embrego semana passada e eu gosto muito a gente e muita boa e e perto da minha casa (a melhor coisa no mundo!!!)

So jodi helped me set this page up.. I am going to blog in both English and Portuguese so I can keep in contact with my friends all over the world. This weekend was pretty eventful (not) but I did buy some new shoes at the Nordstrom sale which I totally love!!! I started my new job at Staker Parson Companies last week and I LOVE IT!!!! I would have loved anything with less of a commute....